Be yourself and change in relationships

An important element in building a relationship is feeling equal.
The more there is the feeling, between two people, of being equal to each other, the easier it is for the relationship to last over time, build and be profitable for both.
The sense of being an equal is given by the feeling that the component of the relationship has that it can be sé same as it is, in the same way in which the other can be, therefore with the willingness to accept the good and the bad of the other, but also the willingness to show the good and the bad about oneself. This is the real way to be au pair. (Scifo)

Being, therefore, equal means knowing that, however it may be, the other does not try at all costs to disguise himself, but knows that he can also present his masks, his mistakes, his torments, his miseries in full. freedom, knowing - over time, with the relationship - to be helped to better observe what are the things to change, or to improve on oneself, and knowing that this is valid on both sides.
It is, therefore, a continuous exchange, a continuous give and take, which is what actually keeps the relationship alive. (Moti)

Yes, creatures, because the relationship between people certainly has a common starting point that lays the necessary and sufficient conditions for the relationship to be created: it is not, in fact, that the relationship can arise from nothing.
If two people create a relationship, this happens because there are particular reasons that allow it to be created.
We are not going to broaden the view too much by looking for the motivation for this possibility of creating a relationship in previous lives - even if those who know the philosophical teaching know that, in the course of the various incarnations, we meet very often in groups in order to to exchange experiences, debts or karmic credits - let's limit ourselves here to a more down-to-earth discourse, which anyone who knows nothing of philosophical teaching could do and understand.
The creation of the relationship takes place when common needs are compared and the possibility of being a key to understanding, clarifying, satisfying these needs is recognized in the other.
Now, it is evident that simply this cannot be enough, because, then, it would only be a purely selfish thing, full stop: "io I satisfy your needs, you satisfy my needs ".
In reality, the thing is more complicated and more subtle: for the relationship to grow it must be nourished by trying not to crystallize in oneself, trying to show the other person their changes from time to time because they are the ones that give life to the relationship, which show that it is alive, that it helps to change, giving hope and courage to the other to get busy in turn to change too.
Here, therefore, that it is no longer simply a satisfaction of needs but is, instead, a giving to the other a strength to arrive at understanding and, therefore, a new evolution.
The relationship, so that it must and can continue to live, to exist, cannot be static; when it is static it no longer exists, it is only a facade of convenience because one does not have the courage to go further, or to understand that the other has changed, or that we ourselves have changed.
This is another important point: to realize that the person with whom you establish the relationship is different from moment to moment, not to remain fixed on the idea that you have of it, to be elastic in the relationship by remembering that that person in a moment, a ' now, one day, one year, it will be different from what we have known, and not being nostalgic and remembering "Ah, how beautiful the past was, when that person was like this", because that person will never be the way it was , inevitably.
In the same way that you yourself, moment by moment, will be different over time.
And, just by the extent to which you will be different over time, you can evaluate how fruitful and useful a relationship is.
The important thing is to try to "be what you are"; then take off your masks from time to time and show yourself as much as possible as you are in that moment; and the "as it is in that moment" inevitably reflects the changes that have taken place.
If you observe a person without his masks, you see that he was like this until a week ago, the next week he was already different, and next week he will show himself different again; you have the opportunity to see how this person has changed and, at the same time, how you have changed in observing the changes in him, because, remember, there is always an exchange, a reciprocity, whatever it is.
Instead, many times, you immerse yourself in your roles as mate, mate, father, mother, son and think that to have a good relationship with your mate, mate, father, mother, parents, brothers, sisters, the best thing is to say " Yes ”, to chuckle, to be satisfied with the quiet life and to continue in the routine.
That way you kill the relationship; that's not the way to build a real relationship.
The real relationship is what allows you to tell the other, perhaps even angry, showing yourself in your anger, what you think he is wrong, on which you disagree.
And the real relationship is what allows the other, who listens to your anger, not to get carried away by anger in turn, but to consider that maybe there could be something true in what you say. (Scifo)