How long will it take you to meditate to improve yourself even a little? To understand that every day, every hour, every second, you only give help to those who inspire you with feelings of love and friendship, refusing it to those who do not somehow satisfy the needs of yours. Io?
Meditate for a moment: why do you find a person unpleasant? Couldn't it be that maybe it doesn't depend on her alone? Could it not be that his behavior and talking about him strike something painful in you, so that you refuse to recognize it and hide your wounds from yourself, causing that reaction that you use to call "antipathy" springing up in you?
Do you know what the word antipathy originally meant? It means: "against suffering". But the suffering of whom: of the unpleasant person, or yours, or that of both?
Meditate again, if you want: isn't it perhaps more difficult to be able to offer help to people closest to you than to others? Yet the closest people should be the ones best known and, therefore, those to whom you should be able to offer the right help at the right time. So why this reticence, why this inability?
Is there a desire in you not to want to help your parents, or siblings, or spouse, or children? Or maybe it is your ego that prevents you from doing it, to hide your flaws or to self-exalt yourself in the face of others' difficulties?
“But you said to act according to your own feel and if my feelings don't tell me to help certain people, what should I do? "
It is right if you make this objection: there is an apparent contrast in my saying. Yet it is evident that to improve oneself one must change, and that in order to change one must always strive for the higher level of one's feelings; and that to reach this step it takes a little violence to one's feelings.
We talked about petty violence. Small. In fact, to give help, sometimes a sentence said with a hint of acrimony less, or a slight smile of encouragement, or a look straight in the eye instead of an elusive look is enough.
Meditate on how much effort it would take you to really give anyone some help, but also meditate on how much effort is based all the help you receive in your days and that you usually neglect or ignore because to you yes, it is natural and right that help is brought!
And the help given to receive in return what sense does it make? Isn't it useless and meaningless if it is given to obtain a profit of some kind? '
Distinguish: for those who receive help it does not matter why they receive it but - if they really need help - it is what they receive that matters.
For those who help, we say: “If you realize that you are not giving in order to have, you are on the path of the Absolute because it means that you begin to know yourself; and knowing yourself means broadening your consciousness by expanding it in the right direction ”.
I can lend a hand to those who suffer,
and I thank you for this;
I have to act as a crutch for those who are about to fall,
and I understand Your why;
I want to dry a thousand tears with my smile,
and every tear will corrode an atom of my chains. Weather
Give at a loss. I should make it my mantra!
Forget about myself. But how brave, now more than ever. This at least helps me to be indulgent with others.
Change is the watchword, the substratum of our existence, the indication to proceed along the path. When this concept is clear, the meaning of events takes on an inestimable, precious value that we can only welcome and bless. And even today this post asks me about a topic, the helping relationship, on which I have based my life.
thank you
If the origin of the word antipathy is anti-pathos as Moti explains to us then it is, again as Moti suggests, towards our pain and that of the other that the gaze should be laid. At this point the term would gradually turn into cum-pathos and the antipathy would vanish, leading to compassion.
the relationship has always played a fundamental role in my life… but sometimes the
my exaggerated desire to help others contains something that I do not know well explain. Thanks
Reading and meditating, a phrase from Viola's prayer resounds: Father, help us to give to others what we feel is given to us by you.
Being of help unconditionally and free of charge is what I am called to now. This is the first teaching of the sieve through which my life, and the life of those around me, is passing
The topic of help concerns me and questions me. In the past I have felt the call to help others in a more marked way than at the present time, so much so that I actively seek experience in volunteering. I was clear from a very young age on the importance of learning to give without asking for anything in return and for several things it was natural to do so. Over time I had to become aware that in this giving, there was often also a sacrifice of my needs, dictated by certain conditioning of identity (low self-esteem, poor sense of the dignity of being there), certainly not by an overcoming of needs. of the self. Currently I still feel this push, but I am still looking for a balance and it is as if I somehow set limits on it in self-defense. I would really like to learn to give unconditionally, not only in the sense of not placing conditions on my giving, but also in the sense of freeing the gift of self from fears and needs. I know this is a long process, one that requires clarity within oneself, and that it will probably commit me to life.
Post I have to meditate on for a long time. It is not easy for me to understand when my giving is functional to an egoic drive or how much it is a gesture of pure gratuitousness. Since they often point out to me that I have an imbalance towards giving. It is plausible that the modality was born, as if to say, from the need to be recognized: “if I am good, they will love me”; but this I think is only the first reading. On the other hand, it is likely that life has led me to cultivate this aspect, perhaps because it was lacking before. There is an impetus in me towards collaboration, the help that precedes any return calculation in utilitarian terms. I do not deny, however, that it is not always clear to me. Compared to giving to those who don't really like me, it is certainly another question to be resolved. Two aspects emerge clearly, one that is irritating to those who do not like me, the other that is pushed however to look for a contact to overcome the impasse. Sometimes one prevails, sometimes the other. But the whole question I cannot say to address it now, with due clarity, what are my boundaries and how far can I push myself towards the other? As someone has already said, it is a subject that will engage me a lot.
If I can say something, Natasha, it is this: the other person learns from you only if he directly experiences what he has to learn. That's your border.
Sometimes I notice that the mind tries to appropriate my going towards the other in order to take advantage of it: recognition by others, etc. It seems to me that the movement of the mind is subsequent and the moving towards, at least in some cases, spontaneous and free.
I think I'll remember this post and try to get a clearer view of the matter next time I'm in a similar situation!
Thank you.
Learn to help unconditionally.
Knowing how to offer the right help at the right time.
The act of helping is not confronted with the needs of one's self,
when the act of helping occurs there are only the needs of the other.
Like many who have commented, even in me there is the impetus to rush to the rescue, more and more moderate over time, however, because there are no longer just me and the other but reality presents itself with another hundred, a thousand details that slow down and ponder action. The mind is always looking for something in return, always. When I realize it I laugh at myself! Other times the victim comes forward who instead finds in the willingness to help, the self-denial of the ego and therefore the complaint arises ... along the way but thanks for never letting us lose sight of it!