The repetition of situations with no apparent way out

[...] However, without a doubt, if the situation continues to repeat itself more or less in the same terms - because it can never be decidedly identical every time, of course - it means that there is something that you, and possibly those who experience the situation with you, you have to understand from that situation.

For example it can be - I know io - your reaction to the situation (I give an example, it is not necessarily your case, of course) that you maybe mask too much, you tend not to show what your true feelings are, you tend to appear distant from the situation, indifferent while then inwardly it is not like that.

For example, this could be a cause; so the right reaction could be: when the situation happens, what do I know ..., as you say "go crazy", or start crying, do something unexpected, in short, so that others have new elements to understand you, and you too would have new elements and then the situation, the next time, would already automatically transform into something different.

D - I understand… that of actually creating diversions to try to get out of the usual way; one creates a diversion and maybe the other person gets a little extra attention.

Behavioral diversions; because, you see, when it comes to relationships between people, if you are used to seeing the same person always react in the same way, you do not find any element in your hand to understand.
At that point, in the midst of uncertainty, one can make a thousand hypotheses: "he doesn't care about me, he doesn't care about the situation, he's indifferent, whatever you want can happen and he won't budge at all" and so on; while, internally, the situation experienced on your side may perhaps be: "I show myself like this to show myself the 'stronger' of the situation - for example - the more stable, more balanced, more peaceful one".

If you want to change your life, change it!

D - Listen, I wanted to hang up on that phrase: "If you want to change your life then change it", which had struck me enough. There is a time when change should happen, after one becomes aware of a series of mistakes and things that don't work. I wonder: since awareness is a mental thing, when does this mental awareness pass into feel, whereby change occurs as something natural?
That is, is the process like this or is it necessary in any case an act of will, an act of authority for which you, at a certain moment, have to change certain behaviors by acting by force? And, if this is the way, I ask myself: but doesn't it become a battle, then, then life?
But if you also wait for it to happen naturally ... I've been waiting for this inspiration for years!

Well, you can see that you are very stubborn! Look, no doubt the passage of understanding, in order to become enrolled in feeling, cannot be forced.
It has to happen naturally because this passage, this transcription in feeling occurs only when "all" the elements of a given factor have been understood.
If all were not understood, there could not be the fullness of understanding of that particular aspect of feeling and, therefore, there would still be no real understanding, there would still be no real feeling.

Now, what you fail to grasp well in this discourse is that understanding something does not mean understanding "one" thing; it means understanding a factor with all the elements connected to it; so it's not a very simple thing.

You say: "The behavior does not change because there has not yet been an inscription in the feeling", but this is not true, absolutely, because there was no "total" inscription of understanding in feeling but, undoubtedly, as you face the experiences and draw from them the elements to be able to understand, there are parts of feeling that are being updated, they are arranging themselves in the exact way in your interior.
Certainly they are not then reflected in always right behavior within the physical plane, but simply because there are links to complete with all other things to understand.

D - But then, this phrase that has been said: "If you want to change your life, change it", I don't ...

We are talking about two different things. The speech of the transcription in feeling is the final part of the whole operation; instead, Scifo's sentence is a sentence addressed to the daily individual in the course of his life, the individual who starts in understanding, because it is evident, dear ones, that many times you have all the elements to start a process of understanding and refuse to do so; you prefer to close your eyes and not see, not observe reality as it is, hiding as you are, you prefer to macerate yourselves in victimhood, feel - as Moti said before - the "counter" ready to strike you at any moment without realizing that that "against", perhaps, you have freed it on yourselves; and the "Change your life then change it" it is precisely this: it is the attitude to be changed, the "want it" change!

You usually tend to say: "My life as it is is not good, I have to change my life, change the way I live", but either you do nothing to change it and you just protest, grumble, wait that life changes by itself - and this almost always happens! - or (even worse) you want your life to change as your ego wants it to change, perhaps making you have more money, or more recognition, or more material satisfaction, and so on.
So you have to come to understand “In what sense” must your life change, in order to change. If you don't understand the direction, but keep looking in a direction that is wrong, your life will still not change.

D - But this attitude you were talking about before then needs to be modified with a willful act; I say: "Now I stop seeing the glass half empty and start seeing it half full"?

No, you can't force yourself to see a glass in one way or another if you don't first say to yourself: “Now I change my life; I change it this way, simply: by striving to see things as they are".
The starting point is to see the glass half full; it is the "half empty or half full" then which is the next step to continue; while instead you look at the glass half full and many times you say: "Look there, I have nothing to drink", or "I have little to drink".

So we need to start in the meantime change your way of looking at reality and yourself in particular; then, after you have made this effort to observe your reality - particularly the inner one, of course - then, at that point, there will be moments in which you will have to make choices, see which ones to operate, then understand the two aspects of reality that you shows up and there, at that point, then you will still have to take a step to change and try to realize that whatever you go through is never all negative, it is ambivalent: it can be both positive and negative; and, then, observe both aspects, not just one; while you usually tend to see, in an experience, only the aspect that is most useful for you to observe.

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D - I have had this very change in my life; I must say that until 87 I was married and quiet with my husband and my children, and then the change took place in a very dramatic way because my son died.
This has already been a dramatic thing for the whole family and has been reflected in such a way that our life has changed completely; I then began the search within myself for something, for the why of this.
I have done many things, even meditation, to look for something inside of me, but unfortunately I am unable to realize myself. I don't understand why I'm like this ...

Undoubtedly these are always very dramatic situations, very strong to face; it is difficult, it takes a lot of balance; much courage, too, to face them; but it also takes time to be able to find the right way, because you see, dear, then, in the end, what happened pushed you to this search which, obviously, was something you needed.

Let's put it in parallel with what we said before: the negative fact of the unfortunate - apparently unfortunate - events that have happened to you, and the positive part that is instead this drive to search which, undoubtedly, something interiorly, however it may be, gives you, otherwise the 'you would have abandoned.

However, one of the elements that must be considered is that when you do a spiritual search, when you try to change your life in a direction perhaps unthinkable until recently, you always go through moments of disruption, of moments in which all certainties are lost, where you no longer even understand where you want to go.

This is a moment of transition necessary to be able to rebuild something within sé. Unfortunately you are in an environment that is quite contrasted, as you said yourself.
On the one hand there are those who try to help you, on the other hand there are those who do not live the situation in the same way: however, this can help you in understanding yourself, as you must be able to find the right stimulus from the two positions .

You must be able to accept and understand - and perhaps even help those who oppose you - and, at the same time, be able to take, to receive from those who help you; it is always an exchange situation.

Without a doubt, over time the pain will become less severe, the past situation will begin to have much more attenuated emotional tones, and then you will be able to see more clearly and with more tranquility within yourself.
The discourse of meditation, in my opinion, in such difficult starting situations is not that it can help much because, in order to arrive at a quiet and balanced meditation, you must already have overcome many inner things that, evidently, you have not yet fully managed to exceed. Georgei

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