D - Last time, speaking with Scifo, I asked if, assuming the intention is right, giving help to our fellow men can create ambiguity and misunderstandings ...
No doubt the other person always experiences the actions - of each of you - in your own way. Certainly you act towards other people but they pass the scrutiny of their own sensitivity, of their own feel, what you do; therefore they see of you only what is somehow related to what they themselves are.
Io I would say that many times you worry so much about what other people's reactions are towards you, but why does this happen? Have you ever wondered? You care less about what you did, why?
D - We are always made of our ego and therefore we fear the relapses that can affect us.
Ah, this would be better already. It's even worse, the thing!
D - Because we have a straw tail and we already know a priori that the intention is not exactly what it is said.
Here, this may already be a point, though - without being so bad let's say that, actually, when you do something for others, then, in the end, you always expect gratification.
D - If anything, it is above all for that; because afterwards one must know if she has truly achieved the goal she had set for herself.
It is not that very important, you know dear, because if you do something because it feels right, the fact that your action is followed by a change, an improvement, an understanding on the part of the other person does not change much; indeed, absolutely nothing changes for you.
You did what you felt was right, anyway. The other person may not even understand, he may also be in an inner condition that what you have done can also annoy him, he does not necessarily accept it.
How many times maybe you do something that is valid, is right, in action, in behavior, yet the other person completely rejects it! This because? Why was your action wrong? No, simply because the other person did not have the tools, she was not yet able to understand the correctness of that thing.
D - Yes, yes, in fact not even the good, if it is not asked, must be done.
Oh no, not even that. Apart from saying "the good" is already a bit difficult to establish, because one might ask: "Whose good? The good with respect to whom? Who is it that has decided what is good? " but, supposing that the intention is good, that each of you acts in doing something with the best intention towards the other, this action must always and in any case be done because, if it is your feeling, why if you really feel that action, you will do that action anyway.
It's not that you can say, "I don't do it"; if it is your feeling you will do the action, however it may be. Not only that: those true, good actions that you do with the best intention you can have, you will do them and you will not even care about the effect they will have on the other person, you will do them so spontaneously that it will be like drinking a glass of water, you were thirsty and you drank a glass of water and that's it, the situation, for you.
The action was right for you that way and had to be done.
Whether the other individual reacts positively or negatively, whether he or she serves him or not - it can have a gratifying component to see that the other person serves - however, if the other person does not accept it, you - if action was sincere, if the intention was pure - you will never be disappointed, or desperate or sorry; you will only, eventually, feel sorry for the other person who did not understand.
Q - So, given the negative reaction of the other, wondering where one went wrong in his action, is it not even good?
Well, see dear, if you ask yourself "where did I go wrong in my action?" it means that you already know from the start that there is something underneath that is hidden by your action, because - I repeat - if you felt the action internally, if you were intimately convinced that that action is right, it would never occur to you to ask yourself “where did I go wrong?”.
If you take the right action heartily, according to your best intention and see that the individual does not understand, then, at that point, maybe you will wonder why the other does not understand; this is another matter, but not "where did I go wrong" because in the moments when you ask yourself "where did I go wrong?" it means that underneath you are aware that you could have done something different, better, and that then there was something that conditioned you inside you; and it is enough to see when you help others how often you make a selection among the people to help: "I help this one, the other a little less ... because yes, maybe I should help that other one, I don't help that other one because precisely I don't like it ”.
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D - But more than anything else there is also a discourse of attempts, in my opinion, which is very difficult beyond antipathy or sympathy. I have many difficulties, even if it seems to me that they come on impulse. Then not to expect anything in return ...
No, some kind of gratification, even just seeing that the other person is happy.
Q – What if I want to do something that I am deeply convinced of and my husband absolutely disagrees, but I'm sure he's wrong and I do it anyway, is it prevarication? If the action is really right aimed at others, I mean, not a whim for myself… but in my opinion doing good for another person.
Here the thing gets complicated because there is also the couple relationship, at that point, and you should be able to make your husband feel your good intention, your sincere intention too.
D - Sure, but what if you practically end up bickering? Maybe I start with my very good intentions but he doesn't accept them, that is, he doesn't feel. Then later we come to an agreement, but we are always there, to abuse.
But you see, dear, if he doesn't hear it means he doesn't understand what your true intention is, he doesn't understand what is the drive that moves you to this behavior; because, if he understood, he would fully agree with you, of course.
Then, at that point, the best thing would be to apply what the Guides often say: "Help others but start with the closest people", then the best thing would be to first convince him and then, eventually, worry about helping the other person, because you cannot help an outside person and then cause problems for the closest person.
D - At this point of the speech it is clear that any action we do, which we define as "good", is a gratification that we give to ourselves and therefore we do good only to satisfy our own I which they have taught, through religion and education as infants, to do good.
I haven't gotten to that point of pessimism, my dear! There are also some actions in which there is no selfish component, eh!
D - Better not to do it.
If it were always and in any case like this, that every action you do is under the pressure of selfish intention, then dear ones you would never be able to move from who you are!
To assume that you can evolve, you have to assume that your understanding increases; for your understanding to increase, you must gradually come to improve your intentions more and more and therefore there will be times when your intention will be altruistic, when you will do good spontaneously, and there will be times when you will do good even without wanting it, perhaps under the pressure of a selfish action, and there will instead be some times when you will do something motivated only by your selfish intention.
There is not always the push from selfish intention, there are all these various shades, there is never only white and there is never only black.
Your task is precisely that of understand these gradations and see when you are truly selfless and when you are not. Georgei
Always very interesting.
I welcome the concluding part as an invitation to continued investigation:
"There is not always the push from selfish intention, there are all these various shades, there is never only white and there is never only black."
thank you