Communicating to other people - and not just to your children or your parents - what you really think means offering the possibility to better understand the person in front of them.
How is it possible to be understood if one does not get involved by discovering a part of sé themselves?
Of course, to do this it is necessary to overcome most of the barriers that arise on your own because you are afraid of showing yourself weak; you climb on the mirrors to find a thousand excuses and a thousand reasons for not doing what actually feels right. "Io I didn't receive anything when I was young, so I didn't learn to receive and what can I give if I don't know, if no one has taught me to give? ”.
You reason with the ego mind and it stops at the life you are currently living; in reality, the individual who is able to give can do so when he has understood something, not because the parent has given him in time.
How many cases exist - that you know - in which the parents were not models of virtue and yet they received a lot of love from their children, and vice versa! If the concept you mentioned were true, this would not have been possible. This means that, beyond the particular giving and receiving of the life one is living, there is something more that allows the individual to give to others; this something more, my dear, can only be having understood and this understanding comes from long moments of suffering, of pain and, above all, of sharing with others these sufferings and pains, in such a way as to be able to observe oneself through the relationship with others; something that - we will never tire of repeating to you - is essential to be able to achieve understanding.
There are also those who say: "But if the parents don't love me and I don't love them, is it mandatory to be loved by them, or to love them?".
Certainly it is not mandatory, also because perhaps the concept of love with which you relate is sometimes not a real concept, but rather misrepresented, interpreted by your ego and which very often results in "they love me because they give me what I want" , or "I love them because I please them": that is not love, it is opportunism.
It is not compulsory to love but it is inevitable that, when you find yourself leading a life with people - be they parents or children - a relationship is established and this must be built, basing it a little at a time on a knowledge reciprocal, and this knowledge is the basis of the relationship of love; if there is no knowledge, if there is no sharing of experiences, if there is no capacity to make the other understand what one is, not only for good but also for evil, then the relationship of love becomes a necessarily conflictual relationship. Scifo
Reading, I realize how different knowledge and understanding are and how often we tend to unconsciously take for granted things that then turn out to be inaccurate or completely wrong, because they are not supported by adequate understanding but obviously linked to elements of knowledge that they have not yet been declined in all their facets and implications and therefore have not yet become stable elements of understanding of consciousness.
thank you
'... in such a way as to be able to observe oneself through the relationship with others;'
And yet:
'if there is no capacity to make the other understand what one is, not only for good but also for evil, then the relationship of love becomes a necessarily conflictual relationship.'
I believe this is work, one of the fundamental pillars of the journey.
Love cannot be conditioned if not, it is not love. When identification leaves room for compassion, all those concepts of revenge, of rancor accumulated over time, due to the small or large wounds that we inevitably have suffered, lose power in influencing our actions and our thoughts. You can see the other for what he is, you see his limit and you also see yours. Then it is no longer important to show how unjust Life has been, all that remains is to go further, because you recognize your limitation in the other. The other then becomes a learning tool and no longer the architect of your unhappiness. It is neither an easy nor a painless path, but I believe it is the only possible way to make peace with the painful events of the past.