What makes you suffer is your wounded self

My father,
everything - they say - speaks to me of you and therefore, according to logic, it should be enough that io I looked around to find all the answers, to get to the final point of my whys; it would be enough for me to look around to get a reason for what my existence has been, what is, and what maybe will be.
Yet, my Father, all this I am unable to do and indeed, I will tell you more, there are moments in which I rebel against all this, moments in which I say to myself, to the world and also to you: enough, I am no longer there to suffer, to feel bad, and I cannot convince myself that this suffering, this pain, basically have their own reason.

In those moments I look at my present and past life and what do I see?
I see a childhood in which the problems that presented themselves to me seemed indifferent to others, seemed such that none of those around me could, even in the slightest part, help me solve them satisfactorily.
I see the years of love, if they can be called that, I see the mistakes made at that time, I see that those mistakes have crystallized in me and perhaps, with each lost love, a certain regret for what I did not do, for what could have been and was not, it stuck like a nail into me.
I see my work, my being dissatisfied in a job that apparently nothing gives me and seems to make my every day a chain gradually heavier and heavier.
I see the creatures who were born of me and who, instead of giving me the joy they should give me, end up once again exacerbating my suffering; but, my Father, is all this possible?
If you really look around you can give me an answer, why don't you answer these eyes of mine that constantly turn around waiting for your word, waiting for your whisper that will soothe my suffering and somehow show me the way ? Weather

My son,
I observe you, I listen to you, I feel you when you make your protests reach me, when you do not want to accept that from everything you are experiencing, that from every suffering that grips you, that from every pain that torments you you can to draw the answers in order not to suffer anymore, to feel no more pain.
I listen to you shouting at me your whys in the silence of your intimate, demanding that I give you a definitive answer that, like a sponge, erases from your life everything that apparently makes it so difficult to live; but I, my son, the only thing I can tell you, the only advice I can give you is to begin, first of all, to accept yourself, because you see, all the pains, all the sufferings, all the sad times that you have found and you have met, you have found them and you have met them because you yourself - unaware of what you are - you went looking for them with determination and firmness.

And if you, my son, had managed to be sincere with yourself, since your awareness was such as to allow you to see clearly in yourself, if you had really succeeded in this you would have also been able to accept yourself, you would have managed not to try to show yourself different from what you are, which has led you little by little to do what you otherwise would not have done.

Nothing is lost anyway son, take the pains, your sufferings, your sadnesses, hold them tight, do not forget them, because they are the light that shows you the way and from them, if you really want, if you really try to find that sincerity that you once refused, you will be able to find the way not to suffer anymore, to not hurt anymore, to never be sad again. Scifo

My brother, my sister,
create more problems within yourself than actually exist, make these problems almost the purpose of your life, so that they prevent you from going into the world and enjoying the things that He has placed there for you as well.
My sister who suffers, my brother who cries without shedding a tear, if at least you were able to truly give vent to your suffering, if you were able to make all those tears never shed gush from your eyes, you would understand that what makes you suffer is only your wounded ego and that this wound can very often be healed with a single tear.
Again, you may be thinking that it is very easy to speak words and not live that reality. You may be right, dear ones, certainly it is so for those who are suffering, but those who have not suffered, but those who have never had inside sé moments of deep despair, who has never thought of leaving the world to not suffer anymore?

My brother, my sister, if you could feel your pain truly, and not just on a mental level, but truly within you as a necessary moment for your growth, then nothing, really nothing, could ever upset you.
How many struggles, how far, how many bitternesses, how many disappointments are ahead of you, and for a long time to come they will be if you don't learn to moderate your ego.
This brother I, this sister Ego, so important for your growth, but so harmful, so harmful for the attainment of your interiority, your realization.

How many times, only going down the street, do you feel the urge from within, the desire to embrace an unknown brother of yours, but you don't do it because your ego prevents you from doing so.
If only you could imagine what you would be able to create by giving an extra smile, how much less suffering, how much pain, how much ease of walking you would create for yourself and for your other brothers!
Then you would be able to go among your other friends, among your other travel companions and, together with them, say:

Our father,
if once again you have clothed us in matter,
if once again we found ourselves among the others,
chained to the needs, desires, needs of our ego,
it is because only You knew that we still needed this.

Our father,
if we still shed tears,
if we still cried,
because we were unable to shake hands with one of our brothers who was suffering,
if we still haven't been able to dry that tear before the wind dries it for us,
Our father,
it is because You knew that our path, our path, was to be so.

Our father,
who knows for how many lives,
who knows how many existences,
so we should be.
You cannot give us the certainty that this is the last experience,
You cannot do this, our Father,
but we trust in You and hope that, sooner or later,
We will reach you because we are sure that you,
like a very good father,
with infinite patience you will wait for us.
Viola

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