The Oedipus complex: the dynamics between the child and the parents [IF11a]

Q - So the Oedipus complex arises from the unbalance of the individual between the male or female pole?

Of course, it arises from this unbalance and from the child's desire not to "compete" with his father or mother or with, at least, a brother, uncle, sister, aunt, in the absence of the two main figures, but how much to make his own what he likes in the other individual; therefore (and this is an important consideration!) a positive feeling and not a negative feeling, as is usually inherent.

D - Maybe because he thinks he doesn't look that way.

Of course, because he tries to become a complete creature, he tries to incorporate all the aspects he likes.
Why incorporate what they don't like? He has aIo'and this I seeks to excel, to be beautiful. For this reason, therefore, he tries to take all the beautiful things from others and make them also become part of himself. And in this way it can become unbalanced.

Here is what the beautiful tale of Ananda (below) from the other time - one of the most beautiful, albeit one of the most difficult - indicated, as it showed as a child who needs to be formed and that needs to see better things around sé to introject them and, therefore, creating a balanced and peaceful inner being can become a confused individual.

Fable of the father
Ozh-en (character who symbolizes the average human evolution) opened her eyes to the new morning and, in the warmth of her bed, she felt nervous, not at all peaceful, as if something was gnawing at her from the inside, something she could not, however, specify.
After lazing into a rather restless sleepiness, he got up and began to make breakfast.
"Mom - said the little son - where is Daddy?"
"But where do you want him to be, my dear," replied Ozh-en, "he went to work." and the morning went on with its usual routine: shopping, housework, cooking, and just as he was making lunch and preparing food, the boy once again asked Ozh-en: "Mother, where? 'is it daddy? "
And Ozh-en replied: «Dunno! I'll have gone out of town, I think. "
They ate, watched some television, read a newspaper, helped the child with his homework and, in the middle of the afternoon, the child once again asked his mother: "Mom, where is Dad?".
«Ah, look - the mother replied impatiently - for what interests me, at this point, he may even have ended up in the hospital! But now go back to your homework ».
The sun began to go down on the horizon, and rosy fingers painted the scenery, but the child, once again, asked his mother: "Mum, then where is dad?".
"Dad? Daddy is dead, ”Ozh-en replied, and got up to go to make dinner.
The doorbell rang and the child, wide-eyed, asked Ozh-en: "Mum, should I go and open it?"
«Of course - answered the mother - go, dad has arrived».
And the child began his difficult life.

This child is affected by a mother who, unhappy with her condition in the family, unhappy with her relationship with her husband, unhappy with the female position in society, projects her anxieties and fears onto the child without realizing the damage she does to the constitution of this new one personality, which will remain unbalanced.

In that moment, then, the child will transform his oedipal complex into a way to obtain what he does not have, that is, to obtain that affection, that security, that tranquility that the mother (of the story) does not give him, to defeat those ghosts that the mother gives birth within him; to remove that discomfort when a father who seemed to have disappeared (and, therefore, a possibility of affection, emulation, disappearance) reappears, completely unbalancing his inner being and questioning what he has taken from these parents, frightening him at the thought that he copied these people and these people perhaps didn't have nice things to copy.

This is where the rancor towards parents: in the disillusionment on the part of the children! This is the reason for the questions posed last time, ("What are the roles of mother and father? What are the differences, who is more important?" Ed.) As both parents are equally important.

Your society usually places emphasis on the mother, but the role of both parents is important, it cannot be just the mother. If she were only the mother, then indeed the child would be born in unbalanced conditions from the very beginning, completely unbalanced.

Q - I was told that sometimes, if the mother is left alone (in the sense that the husband is either not there or is always absent) she is forced to take on both roles, because she has to play the part of the tender mother who forgives and of the severe father who punishes ...

Here, this is another element, another aspect, which could be quite important to consider.
Just as society is structured, and just as the role and tasks are distributed between the male and the female, it happens that the female, when the opportunity presents itself and is enabled to be a father and a mother, usually succeeds; the male, on the other hand, when he is in conditions of having to do mother and father, hardly succeeds in doing it adequately, in the right way. And this, I repeat, is an imbalance created precisely by conditioning, by the way of being of your own society.

Q - Could it be that the father's inability to be father and mother also derives from the fact that he has not given birth, therefore he is not in a position to have had a certain experience and, therefore, to be able to deal with this "motherhood"?

Look, dear, in order to have a beautiful motherhood, happy, content and aware, in the meantime, a great evolution is necessary. Most of motherhood is remembered for the fears, for the difficulties, for the difficulty in walking, for all the limits that motherhood poses, for the couple problems that motherhood can give rise to, for all these factors that do, in short. , of motherhood a desirable thing but only up to a certain point, then, to the reality of the facts.

The fact that the husband does not go through pregnancy, if on the one hand it takes away this type of problem, on the other hand it offers him the possibility to really behave as a partner, to observe his selfishness in the moments in which this child begins to getting closer and closer to the moment of birth. And that can be a beautiful moment for the father too, if he knows how to live it right.
Of course if the father is the figure that is usually presented, who brings the chocolates to the mother because she is pregnant and then goes to the game, then the moment will no longer be beautiful but it will be a selfish moment.

Q - So the roles are identical?

The roles are certainly identical. There may be a different role from the physiological point of view, there is no doubt about this, but from the point of view of the growth of the child's personality the roles are identical and equal. 
Both the components of the father and the mother are strictly necessary and indispensable for the child to structure himself, and this is the great responsibility that both parents have.

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Q - On the other hand, children who grow up in an institution, how can they develop this sense…?

It always depends, my dear, on the environment in which the child is placed.
In most cases we must also consider that there is a basic evolution in the individual, right? You consider, for example, as it seems to me you were saying during the discussion, two twins exposed to the same situations, to the same tensions, and suppose (even if this is never the case) with the same identical behaviors towards those children by the two parents.

Yet, despite this, the two children will then demonstrate very different reactions from each other, and this partly due to genetic issues, but mainly for evolutionary issues. Because, as we will see later, the same genetic conformation depends a lot on evolution: there are particular receptors that set in motion or inhibit the initial genetic conditions of departure ... but this is a long and difficult speech.

Q - You talked about disillusionment on the part of the child who does not find what he needs in the parent model, can you talk about this?

It is disillusionment with his desires.

D - Is it your interpretation?

Certainly. Of course this is what you observe every day in children who copy the attitudes of their parents: you too see that they do not always copy the beautiful aspects; they copy the aspects that "seem" beautiful to them; for example, a father who jokes a lot.
They copy this attitude and maybe the father jokes a lot and doesn't care about others, he jokes a lot because he is very selfish, but the child cannot be aware of this!
He is fascinated by the apparent affability, sensitivity, cheerfulness of his father and copies this attitude, and this will be a disillusionment then, inwardly, when he realizes that he has made the wrong choice in copying that very aspect.

D - I was thinking of disillusionment in the sense…, that is, if the child does not sufficiently appreciate the personality, the behavior of the parent.

But let's not give the child too much autonomy to think, to understand, to understand! The child, up to a certain age, is practically instinctive, making his choices through his needs, his desires, not through a conscious choice.
The discourse will begin to change after the age of seven mainly, when the mental body begins to constitute its connections and also the Akasic body will only just begin to constitute the connection with the continuation of individuality.
Then yes that the thing will become more complex and there may be a more conscious choice, even if clearly limited due to lack of experience on the part of that ego.

Q - So, if there are interpersonal problems between children and parents, do they come after the misunderstandings?

They come later, even if they are based on the disappointments of previous years.
The child, in a nutshell, tends to idealize the parents and when the moment of reality comes it is difficult for him to be able to accept that he was so completely wrong about his parents, bringing them back to a conception of human, normal people.

Then, he runs the risk of passing to the opposite behavior, that of total rejection, for which generational clashes, adolescent clashes, rejections, unpleasant, asocial behaviors, and so on, come into play; which are not, of course, the norm, but which can be a sign of one unresolved acceptance of the choices made by the child himself, not the choices made by the parents.

Usually, parents are blamed (and this is partly true because their responsibility is great), but the child actually blames himself for his mistakes.
Not mentally, of course: internally.

D - From there then the famous “love-hate”, because on the one hand they feel love but on the other there is this sense of always contradicting; is it because of their misunderstanding, why do they realize they have misinterpreted?

Certainly, to a large extent yes, certainly. Of course in cases where the parents are at least "normal" parents.

D - I also wanted to ask you: this idea of ​​the androgynous ... You spoke of inner unity, of the two sexes that shouldn't exist internally because over time maybe this union will occur, but the figure of the androgyne did exist (I don't know if in the mythology or what else). Is it an idea that arose out of the knowledge that one had, or did this unity exist before and then it was broken? That is, how much did mythology take from a pre-existing reality - for example from the Atlantean race - or how much did it know that it would become this way in the future?

From the previous race, esoteric ideas have leaked, ideas which, as you know, are often carried to the next race through symbolism, most often through myths. 
So the idea ofandrogynous, the idea of ​​the united individual is one of the main myths, as it is always the goal of every individuality that is incarnated.

The individual must always become a unity to become the Whole; otherwise, as long as he remains fragmented, as long as he fragments reality, as long as he creates a separation not only with external reality but even within himself, he will not be able to truly understand the reality of things.

Q - So a new race is born with this separativeness, to become "one" at its completion?

It is still a bit like the analogue of "so above, so below": the Absolute fragments (virtually, ed), shatters, and individuality internally fragments, shatters, only to have to reunite, just as the Absolute then reunites.

D - But it is not the same individuality that is shattered: is one born shattered at the beginning of a race?

Only outside were you shattered. It is because one has the illusion of being shattered, in that the Akasic body fails to understand the unity of itself.

D - There is a topical topic: the problem of adoption by a "single" (as they say today) that is a single person, woman or man, proposed by a famous Italian actress who would have this desire but c 'is the law that prevents him. If, as you said, first the child needs both parents, then ...

No, I didn't say that. I said: “He needs to both figures".
It's a different thing.

D - Yes, so it would be advisable not to adopt only ...

No. Who said it would only have one figure? It is necessary to see if next to this person there is another figure capable of being a male, paternal model for the child.

Q - What reference is lacking to young people today who are so frequently lost? I say they get lost, they detach themselves from the family, they take adverse attitudes towards society, placing themselves in conditions that only harm themselves?

The reference provided by the parental model is clearly lacking, as they cannot take from parents what they need to be balanced, as the parents themselves are unbalanced within society.

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